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The Golfer That You Are

He left home about 8:30 a.m. to play golf with his friends. On the way out the door his wife asked him, "what time will you be home?"

"Probably about 1:30, I'll have lunch at the club," he replied.

1:30 came and went, 3:00 passed... 6:15... still not home. Finally at about
7:00pm he rolls in the driveway, comes in the door, hands his wife a pizza, and begins the apologetic story:

"Well, we finished our round about 11:30, had lunch, and I started home. Then alongside the road I saw this attractive girl with a flat tire on her car. I stopped to help, got the tire changed, and looked around for a place to wash my hands. She offered money, but I refused, so she suggested that I at least allow her to buy me a beer.

She said, 'there's a bar just up the road and they have a restroom. You can clean up a bit there.'

I agreed to stop, and so we had a beer. Then we had another beer... then a couple more, and I soon realized that this girl was not only pretty, but she was also very friendly, and a good companion to spend time with. Before I knew it, we were in the motel next door having sex. And that is why I am so late getting home."

His wife looked him right in the eye and said, "Don't BS me, you bastard! You played 36 holes, didn't you?"

Thanks Rick! (Image Source)

Newest Ben & Jerry's Flavor

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Math for Gentlemen

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Scared Old Man Seeking Help

A gentleman goes into his doctor's office and is finally allowed to see the doctor. The guy says, "Doc, I'm having trouble with.. well, you know.."

The doctor thoroughly examines him and says, "You'll need to have some work done to bring back your sex drive. I'll get back to you in a few days. Let's run some tests."


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The distraught man waits and waits for his test results, and after 2 weeks finally received the call he's been waiting for: Doc Says, "I can do it in a series of operations that will take 30 days and cost $12,000, or I can do it in one operation right away that would cost $30,000. Why don't you go home and discuss it with your wife?"

So the gentleman goes home and has "the talk" with his wife.

The next day the guy comes back into the doctor's office.

The doctor says, "What did you decide?"

He says without any reluctance whatsoever, "We're going to re-do the kitchen!!"

But Sir...

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How Could She Have Known

I wouldn't normally post this picture, but something struck me when I saw it. This chic probably never imagined in her wildest dreams that not only would her picture be smeared all over the internets, but a picture of her simulating sex with Tiger Woods would make her "famous".

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Golf on Christmas Morning

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf when one one of them commented on how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed - and without an argument, go directly to the golf course to meet his buddies for 18 holes. All three of his friends unanimously agree, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning!”

A few weeks later it’s Christmas morning - and there all are standing next to each other on the first tee box. One friend exclaims “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I had to buy my wife such a huge diamond ring, she can’t even take her eyes off it.”

Another friend says, “I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”

The third friend replies “Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car… reading the manual.”

Silence from the fourth guy.

The other three friends in the group look puzzled, while the final guy in the foursome is staring at them like they must have lost their minds. “I can’t believe you all went to such and expense for a round of golf. I just woke up, slapped her on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! Golf or sex, what’s it gonna be?” and she said “Take a sweater.”

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Have You Ever Felt Better Than You Do Right Now?

Callaway Golf Home

Letterman: Target of Blackmail

A blackmailer is in custody after trying to shake down David Letterman - threatening to expose the late night funnyman's affairs with several female staffers.

The "Late Show" host, who married his girlfriend of 20 years in March, revealed the stunning plot at the taping of Thursday night's show - and admitted he had indeed slept with several women who work for him.

A Manhattan grand jury is now investigating.

"This morning, I did something I've never done in my life," Letterman, 62, told his stunned audience. Continue reading..