Sorry

Source: Rupert Fawcett (one, and two) / Via

In my case the dogs would be fast asleep, and my wife would be the one kicking my butt..

Devious, He Is

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A Misunderstood Malfunction

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The Golfer That You Are

He left home about 8:30 a.m. to play golf with his friends. On the way out the door his wife asked him, "what time will you be home?"

"Probably about 1:30, I'll have lunch at the club," he replied.

1:30 came and went, 3:00 passed... 6:15... still not home. Finally at about
7:00pm he rolls in the driveway, comes in the door, hands his wife a pizza, and begins the apologetic story:

"Well, we finished our round about 11:30, had lunch, and I started home. Then alongside the road I saw this attractive girl with a flat tire on her car. I stopped to help, got the tire changed, and looked around for a place to wash my hands. She offered money, but I refused, so she suggested that I at least allow her to buy me a beer.

She said, 'there's a bar just up the road and they have a restroom. You can clean up a bit there.'

I agreed to stop, and so we had a beer. Then we had another beer... then a couple more, and I soon realized that this girl was not only pretty, but she was also very friendly, and a good companion to spend time with. Before I knew it, we were in the motel next door having sex. And that is why I am so late getting home."

His wife looked him right in the eye and said, "Don't BS me, you bastard! You played 36 holes, didn't you?"

Thanks Rick! (Image Source)

Last Words of a Primate

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Oops

CTE!                                                                                                           Source

I think Hallmark may have created this particular card just to screw some guy(s) over. Some are even worse, however. They don't reveal it until the inside of the card. So.. Men out there: Read the darn card!!

My Wife's New Tattoo

The Perfect Drive

Two men were playing golf one afternoon. They were about to wrap up a fun round, and were about to tee off at the par-5 18th hole.

The first man hit his drive straight down the fairway without hesitation. The second man had more trouble with his effort. He kept checking his alignment, backing off, rechecking, and backing off.

After 5 minutes off this, his friend asked what the problem was..

Image Source

The man on the tee said that his wife was watching from the observation deck just behind the 18th green, and that he wanted to hit the perfect shot.

The man watching said, "You're wasting your time buddy, there is no way you can possibly hit her from here."

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Vacation Rules

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Posts are gonna be a little slow this week until I get back home from a much-needed week's vacation. OK, it's much more needed for my wife than for myself, but it'll be great to be along with her on this much needed vacation of hers.

I'll have a link dump I've been preparing tomorrow to keep you all busy!

Sol Wallerstein's 61

Sol Wallerstein was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.

On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident, and was in critical condition in ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was, and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up, he realized he'd be leaving what was shaping up to be his best-ever round of golf. So he decided to get in a couple more holes before heading to the hospital.

Well, he ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round, and shooting a personal best 61 - shattering the course record by five strokes, and beating his previous best round by more than 10. He was jubilant...

Then he remembered about his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself!"

"While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club, your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life, she will require round-the-clock care and you will be her care giver! She will need IVs; you will have to change her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be spoon fed 3 times a day and don't forget the hygiene care."

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed…

Then the doctor snickered and said, "I'm just screwing with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"

Thanks Jeff!

Pregnancy Simulation

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant.

The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad."

The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.

Image Source

"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.

"Exactly," replied the instructor.

To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."

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Does She Or Doesn't She?

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Golfer

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A murder has been committed.

Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground.

The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?"

"Yes."

"Did you hit her with that golf club?"

"Yes. Yes, I did," the man, answers.

He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head.

"How many times did you hit her?"

"I don't know. Five...maybe six...


put me down for a five."

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The Committed Golfer

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