Sunday, November 7, 2010

The Top-5 Groceries You Buy and Then Throw Away

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Yeah that's moldy bread, and it is on the list. I thought it would be #1, but it's not.

We go into the grocery store with the best of intentions, usually... I mean, assuming we're not violating the cardinal rule, "Never grocery shop while hungry." We try to plan out our meals to some degree, and think of all kinds of great things we can cook with various ingredients.

But outside the grocery store, life is different. You get busy, you get exhausted, you don't feel like making the intricate meals that seemed worth the time in your head. Or you get depressed and instead of something fresh, you reach for the comfort of microwave pizza or nachos or what have you. While you're breaking all these self-imposed promises, the stuff you bought is growing mold colonies that look a lot like your standard Sim City layouts. Here's the foods that have been left to decay in our refrigerators most often:

5. Vegetables
It's after the holidays. You're fat as hell. Your clothes are tight, and you feel like you're starting to have trouble catching your breath. It's time to lose weight. In accordance with your New Year's resolution (the same one you make every year), you spent the last grocery trip buying tons of healthy meal options, including way too many vegetables. So you take them all home and put them in your crisper drawer, and there approximately 80 percent of them will remain until they've sprouted vines and walked away. Oh, you'll probably eat a serving or two of salad, or at least put some of it on a sandwich. The first couple of nights, you'll snack on the carrots and celery - with low-fat dressing, even - and try to be good.

But then you'll remember the reason you never eat this crap in the first place: It's wholly unsatisfying. By the time you've eaten enough vegetables to feel full, you've got gas problems that scare your family and pets. You have to worry about whatever pesticides they're soaked in, and if you buy organic veggies, then you have to worry about them rotting twice as fast. We don't know how vegetarians do it. Veggies will never, ever beat chips or meat or pasta, and most of us are only able to lie to ourselves that they do for so long.

3. Milk
Milk doesn't get much of a chance to go bad at our house, because we personally go through a lot of it. It's our favorite thing to drink with meals, the one childish habit we never really outgrew (that, and our love of Silly Putty). Nearly every other house we've set foot in, however, has always held a trap for us in the form of a carton of milk curdling on the top shelf of the refrigerator. Spending the night at friends' places, we learned pretty quickly to thoroughly check the appearance and scent of their milk before giving it a passing grade. People just don't use milk for much. People put it in their coffee and on their cereal, but that's pretty much it. Very few people drink it by the pint like we do, and it goes bad quickly.

Continue to the complete list..


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