Tiger Woods: I feel Sorry For The Man

This went from:

"Tiger Woods was involved in a minor, 1-car accident a block from his home at Thanksgiving."

-to-

"Tiger quit golf."

"Tiger is retiring."

"Tiger won't be back until probably May or June, and will miss his first Masters."

"I don't think he really will catch Jack Nicklaus."

...in 15 days!!

It won't surprise me if the media is posting its 92nd member of Tiger's illustrious "list". You know, sometime in March - 3 full months from now - when there are two huge golf tournaments right around the corner...

Heck, maybe news will come out that:

Tiger was on his way to his own personal lighted driving range area, when he swerved to miss his neighbor's dog, and while re-correcting, mowed over a fire hydrant on its way to coming to rest against a tree.

Tiger was never driving the Escalade. One of the 92 women came and stole it, and Tiger was chasing them down with the 3-iron.

Tiger left the house at 2 am to take a short drive to remove himself from a situation he didn't want to be in at that moment. Then he decided crashing his car felt like it'd be fun. "I'm a billionaire - why is that news?"

Tiger was leaving for the store late at night to get his wife some ice cream. He was jumped in the driveway, and in a matter of seconds overtook the assailant. The vehicle then took out a fire hydrant, a neighbor's dog, and crashed into a tree. The assailant fled.

Elin was the one driving the Escalade. She knew about a few of Tiger's real mistresses at the time, and was driving them around at his request. The mistress took over control of the vehicle for a few seconds, but was subsequently bludgeoned by Elin with a 3-iron. The body has yet to be found. Tiger says he quickly ran to get help, and saw nothing. Elin then attempted to kill her own mother a few days later. Tiger's been effectively kidnapped to Sweden. Elin releases the statement: "I was blackmaled with $58 million from about 14 women to kidnap this bastard, and remove him from the game of golf. What do I have to lose?"