Strike Three!

Via (NSFW)

I'm not sure why, but this picture makes me chuckle every time I see it. Which is about 3 times now in the last month. Sorry kiddo!

I Hit a Raccoon (OC)

So yeah on my drive to pick up my wife from the airport, I hit a raccoon. I had exactly 1 second to react, and let me tell ya', this guy must've wanted to die. I didn't run him over, but rather hit him with the under-carriage of the car. I had a second to hit the brakes, but it didn't matter, and I didn't exactly slam them on. Never go into serious evasive maneuvers for anything smaller than a deer, I think, right? It's not like I could've anyway. It was very loud, and took forever - it seemed like I dragged him a half-mile or so.

A few minutes later everything that I could still hear underneath the car was gone, and the next thing I notice is the A/C isn't cooling any more. Great!

The body damage (yeah it's only a wimpy little bumper) is one thing, and our $50 deductible is cool! But how huge of an issue is this A/C thing?

This A/C thing:

Damn raccoon! I'm pretty sure it was a raccoon - it was bigger than a cat. And I saw the markings of a raccoon. I hope it wasn't someone's dog!

The crazy thing is on the way back, I slowed down and looked around exactly where I remember hitting it. I had to clear my conscience. But I never found anything. The way it sounded, I would've expected it to be lying there in a gigantic pile of nasty. Oh well..

Rear-ended in a Hit 'n' Run

Friday night my wife & I, and our daughter had stopped at a convenience store on a highway sort-of in San Antonio. I was in line waiting to buy a Gatorade and smokes. In front of me was a short Mexican guy, who didn't speak English, buying a 6-pack of Corona. I waited a long time for being 2nd in line (maybe 5 minutes) for the clerk to find someone in the store to translate to him that his card could not be accepted.. Nor was he able to break the guy's $100 bill. Obviously intoxicated, he fumbled through a wad of Pesos, ones, and found a $50. (How many American citizens do you know who carry around Mexican money on a regular basis? I mean this isn't El Paso or Brownsville.) Anyway, I finished my purchase, and got back in the car ticked off at this country's policies on immigration.

Luckily my wife had observed that this dude walked with a limp, and also what was written on his t-shirt. We pulled back out onto aforementioned highway, and while we're doing so, my wife also noticed that this guy had pulled out behind us and was already attempting to pass us. (I had made no further observations once I sat back down into the car - that's how frustrated I was with the lengthy transaction!)

The first stop light isn't but about 1/4-mile away, so getting up to the road's speed limit of 60 isn't difficult, but not advisable - nor necessary, because of the stop light. As we approach that distance where you start preparing for ANY green light to change yellow, it did in just that instant. So my wife had to make a stop that was quicker than normal stops, although by no means was it a "quick stop" by the definition they teach you in driving school: "stopping as hard and as quickly as possible without allowing your car to skid".

ONE second goes by and BAM! I'm instantly "seeing a lot of the inside of the car," because my head is rolling around like a rag doll's. There were no tire screeches, no skidding, none of us saw it coming. I presume I had taken my wife's attention away from that guy just enough when I asked her if she wanted a drink of the Gatorade I just bought. No idea how fast the car was going, but it felt like 100. The way it sounded, the way it felt, and the way it looked - I can't get any of that out of my head after 48 hours now.

The momentum carried us - to my best calculations when consulting the Google Maps version of the area - probably 80-90 yards further down the highway. Almost a whole football field. We pulled to the side, and my wife & I jumped out.. My very first thought was "$%^&#*@$, how could he do this to our car - we don't have any money for something like this!" So I was already preparing go let whoever hit us know how pissed off I was. Teen-age daughter, who was behind me, was balling at the top of her lungs.. No idea what I was about to discover. I made sure she was ok (I put my hand on the back of her head, and there was no blood), and then all I could think about was that confrontation. This is when I suddenly realized just how far away that intersection was.. holy cow! I realized glass was not everywhere in the back seat, and she appeared OK enough for me to proceed with my 'rage'.

Next thing I know there's a car with no lights and a smashed-up hood coming at me on the side of the road, and that's when it hit me exactly what was happening here. There had been very recent construction on this highway, so tons of excess dirt had been piled up on the right side of the road - where he was trying to pass us. He must've misjudged it because either this guy was intentionally coming at me, or that elevation launched him back towards me. I was screaming profanities at the car as it passed ours, in the dirt, on the right, and then I started jogging after it. He was obviously having trouble, and thankfully he stopped about another 110-120 yards past our car. Several other drivers had apparently realized a few seconds prior to this moment what was going on, so a few of them slowed to a stop near where his car did, and I was thinking, "great! I have help!" My only goal at this point was to keep this asshole at the scene until the cops got there.

Nothing of the kind. The guy's motor died, so he got out of the car. But now that these "helpers," who have stopped, realize he isn't going anywhere, they pull away. So the next 30-45 seconds, which seemed like a half hour, it was just me and him on the side of the road in complete darkness.. but I knew instantly who it was. My mind was racing.. again, my goal was simply to keep him there until the cops got there. I kept my distance (30-40 feet?).. but what do I do? By his movements I saw that he was pacing around "panicky," but I couldn't see any facial expressions. I was still yelling obscenities at him - probably every one I could think of, since I knew he didn't understand English.. He didn't say a word. Finally I see red & blue lights from back up the road where we came from.. but it's an ambulance. Then the guy gets back in, unbelievably starts the car, and takes off with a jacked-up front end, no lights, and something non-rubber scraping the dirt & pavement.

I ran back to the car, and my wife was still on the phone with 9-1-1, but then again, it's only been a few minutes. More red & blue lights appeared, but this time, it's a fire engine. Finally, the cops showed up in another 2-3 minutes, and the rest is "usual post-accident" stuff: statements, insurance info, taking cell-phone pictures of the car, getting checked out by the paramedics, etc.

I wasn't wearing my seat belt, but probably would've had it on within the next mile. I was also wearing a cap, which I located flattened and inside-out in the back seat where daughter was sitting. Hmm... The car is probably totaled (with only about 11 payments left... sigh). Thankfully no one has any serious injuries (yet?) - a few cuts & bruises - but we're all very sore. Luckily the $3000 tenor saxophone in the trunk was ok. We still have no idea where our bumper is.

Yesterday my wife signed her full statement/affidavit thingy, since she was the driver. We learned the guy also had a passenger, and they're now facing 3rd-degree felonies. They have not been caught (YET), but they didn't make it more than a couple miles.. hit someone else.. and a pole, and police found the car - including the smashed 6-pack of Coronas, and other empties.

Moral of the story: If you see a drunk Mexican buying beer in front of you at a convenience store, break his knee on the way out. Sheeesh!

Sore

I apologize for lack of posts the last couple days, but I was rear-ended Friday. To add insult to injury, the dude fled the scene.

So anyway I just haven't felt like it, but posts should resume later tonight.

The Perfect Drive

Two men were playing golf one afternoon. They were about to wrap up a fun round, and were about to tee off at the par-5 18th hole.

The first man hit his drive straight down the fairway without hesitation. The second man had more trouble with his effort. He kept checking his alignment, backing off, rechecking, and backing off.

After 5 minutes off this, his friend asked what the problem was..

Image Source

The man on the tee said that his wife was watching from the observation deck just behind the 18th green, and that he wanted to hit the perfect shot.

The man watching said, "You're wasting your time buddy, there is no way you can possibly hit her from here."

Via

That Would Be A Record

On Aug. 4, 1982, Mets center fielder Joel Youngblood had driven in two runs against Cubs pitcher Ferguson Jenkins in an afternoon game at Wrigley Field when he was traded in mid-game to the Montreal Expos.

He left the game and flew to Philadelphia in time to take up a position in right field at Veterans Stadium at the bottom of the sixth in an evening game against the Philadelphia Phillies.

In the top of the seventh he singled

Image Source

against Steve Carlton. That makes Youngblood the only player in history to get a base hit for two different teams in two different cities on the same day — and he did it against two future Hall of Famers.

Source

Good! OK Balance.. Wait, Watch Out For That...

Via - (NSFW)

pole.

2 Out Of 3 Isn't Bad

Via - (NSFW)

Oh The Irony

Via

What Is So Unusual About This Sign?

OK so the last week or two I've seen this picture posted all over the Interwebnets, grouped with pictures such that there is an implication that it is odd, or unusual, or hilarious, or something.


Via

These signs are everywhere! ATM drive-thrus, fast food restaurants, airports, and yes bridges. Maybe they're just everywhere in Texas or something, but I just don't understand why everyone thinks this is such a unusual sign. On the contrary, it's very clever, and has been around a long time!

Speaking of drive-thrus...

Analysis - Celebrity Bong Hit

OK Watch this video of Miley Cyrus smoking something out of a bong. Fast forward if you like, but pay attention to her reactions.



This was "said" to be salvia that she's smoking. It's totally legal, yeah. But I challenge any of you to go to Youtube, and search for salvia trip or salvia high. What you saw is not what happens when someone smokes salvia.

The people who are somewhat protecting her (I say somewhat because why in the hell would they allow this video to be recorded of her? I ask... ) are only declaring it is Salvia because Marijuana is for the most part illegal.

Miley has definitely taken a regular bong hit of marijuana. All you have to do is watch how she acts. Not only this, but I will also say that I guarantee it's not her first hit of the night. Neither marijuana nor salvia hits you that quickly.

What this video shows is a now legal 18 year old smoking weed for probably the 2nd or 3rd time that night.

I feel for you Billy Ray!

Video Via

That's Using Your Head

Blonde Jessica Kastrop was the ultimate professional as a stray kick struck her at more than 100mph during a pre-match warm up.
Footage of her unfortunate header has since become a YouTube sensation.The German's head was sent plunging forward with the massive impact but incredibly she bounced right back.

The ball had been kicked by former Chelsea star Khalid Boulahrouz who dispatched a long-range effort during practice ahead of a Bundesliga pre-season clash in Stuttgart.

It hit her with such force her knees buckled and she had to brace herself against a lectern to stop herself collapsing in a heap.
Jessica said afterwards: "I was fine - eventually. Boulahrouz ran over to me straight away and apologised."

Via

The funniest part of this..? The "THUD" that's clearly audible.

Giants' Eli Manning Pounded

Being a Cowboys fan, I post this not because I hate the G-Men. I post this because someone got hit hard, and had to get 12 stitches in his head - and he plays for a team other than the Cowboys.

If you watch closely to the slow motion part of the video, you can clearly count the hits 1-2-3.. the thrd one of which is what gives Eli a 3-inch gash on his forehead.

Monitored

It better be an LCD!

Via

I'm Not Sure He Could Get Any Dumber

Click to enlarge..

Via