Differences Between Men & Women

• If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate, and Sarah. If Mike, Dave, and John go out for lunch, they will refer to each other as Fatboy, Dickhead, and Shitforbrains.

• When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave, and John each pull out a $20, even though the

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total is only like $34. None will have anything smaller, and none will care to admit they want any change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators, and changepurses.

• I general, a man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

• A man has 6 items in his bathroom: Toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a towel, and a bar of soap. The average number of items a woman has in her bathroom is 337, only about 20 of which a man would be able to identify.

• A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

• A successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful wife is one who can find such a man.

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man dresses up for weddings and funerals.

• Men wake up just as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate throughout the night.

• A woman knows everything there is to know about her children. Dentist appointments, best friends, favorite foods, romances, secret fears, and their hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

• A married man should forget his mistakes - after all, there's no need for more than ONE person remembering them.