13 Things Your Flight Attendant Won’t Tell You

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1. “Want to start off on the wrong foot with me? Put your carry-on in a full overhead bin, leave it sticking out six inches, then take your seat at the window and wait for someone else (me!) to come along and solve the physics problem you just created.”

2. “Yes, passengers are incredibly rude, but stealing a beer, cursing out passengers, and jumping out of a plane the way Steven Slater did is not the way to handle it. You disarm an unruly passenger by introducing yourself, asking his name, and saying something like ‘I’ve been incredibly nice to you for three hours. Why are you treating me like this?’ Generally that gets the other passengers on your side—and sometimes they’ll even applaud.”

3. “We don’t have a boyfriend in every city. And our median age these days is 44.”

4. “If you’re traveling with a small child and you keep hearing bells, bells, and more bells, please look to see if it’s your child playing with the flight attendant call bell.”

5. “An all-too-common scenario: I hand you a cup of coffee and say, ‘Cream and sugar?’ You say, ‘What?’ I say, ‘Cream and sugar?’ You say, ‘What?’ Come on, people. What do you think we’re going to ask after we’ve handed you coffee? Your favorite color?”

6. “The lavatory door is not rocket science. Just push.”

7. “No, it’s not OK to come back into the galley to stretch and bend over with your rear end in my face while I’m in my jump seat during my only break, trying to eat a meal.”

8. “If you have a baby, bring diapers. If you’re diabetic, bring syringes. If you have high blood pressure, don’t forget your medication. That way, I’m not trying to make a diaper out of a sanitary pad and a pillowcase or asking over the intercom if someone has a spare inhaler.”

9. “Just in case you hadn’t noticed, there are other people on the airplane besides you. So don’t clip your toenails, snore with wild abandon, or do any type of personal business under a blanket!”

10. “If you’re traveling overseas, do yourself a favor and bring a pen. You would not believe how many people travel without one, and you need one to fill out the immigration forms. I carry some, but I can’t carry 200.”

11. “Passengers are always coming up to me and tattling on each other. ‘Can you tell him to put his seat up?’ ‘She won’t share the armrest.’ What am I, a preschool teacher?”

12. “I hate working flights to destinations like Vail and West Palm Beach. The passengers all think they’re in first class even if they’re not. They don’t do what we ask. And the overhead bins are full of their mink coats.”

13. “Do you really have to go to the bathroom right now, while we’re wrestling a 250-pound food cart down the aisle? You can’t wait 90 seconds for us to pass?”

Bonus: 10 More Things Your Flight Attendant Won't Tell You

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13 Things Your Butcher Won't Tell You

From Reader's Digest


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1. Don’t be fooled by supermarket brand names like Butcher’s Brand, Rancher’s Reserve, and Blue Ribbon. The label to look for is USDA Quality Grade. Prime is the best (and most expensive), followed by choice, select, then standard.

2. A big part of our job is window dressing. We flip brown meat over, cut off fat, and dab away blood that might turn you off.

3. Your beef may get ground in Iowa, stuffed in a long tube of plastic, and trucked to our store, where we regrind and package it.

4. Some companies pump carbon monoxide into packaging to keep the meat from turning brown.

5. Make sure you check the price per pound or per serving. The regular size is often cheaper than the family pack.

6. Why are you so wedded to the cut of beef your recipe calls for? We can suggest cheaper options.

7. My favorite cut? The hanging tender. Also known as a hanger steak or a bistro steak, it’s got great flavor at a good price.

8. Take the meat tray at the bottom of the stack or the farthest in back. Just like milk, it tends to be fresher.

9. Save $1.50 to $2 a pound on boneless pork chops. Buy a whole boneless pork loin roast and slice it into chops an inch thick.

10. Yes, that 92/8 ground beef is lean, but if you make burgers with it, you might be disappointed. Your favorite burger joint probably uses beef that’s much fattier.

11. Even if those chicken breasts say “100 percent natural,” they may still be injected with sodium-laden broth, salt water, or seaweed extract. Always check the label.

12. Some of the best tasting cuts are the ugliest ones, like the flap meat on the belly part of beef.

13. Ask me to help. Even if it’s already on a tray wrapped in cellophane, I can cut the fat off a roast, trim a flank steak into stir-fry strips, or grind up a chuck roast. Then I’ll neatly wrap it back up for you. All for no extra charge.

Also: 9 More Secrets Your Butcher Won't Tell You

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