Saturday, August 28, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
The Analogy
(Puddy walks in)Jerry: Hey, look whose here - Puddy.
Elaine: My Puddy? But we broke up.
Jerry: And yet he continues to live.
(Puddy walks over to the table)
Image Source
Puddy: Hey Benes, How are you?
Elaine: I’m doing great.
Puddy: Great. (pauses) See ya.
Jerry: Well, that’s it. You two are back together.
Elaine: What?
Jerry: The bump into. The bump into always leads to the backslide.
Elaine: David and I will not be getting back together.
Jerry: Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can’t do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.
George: That’s beautiful.
The Boob Apron
Surely you've seen the infomercial about the CamiSecret. It's a little handkerchief-looking thing that women can attach to their bras. It gives the appearance of a camisole, and also allows women to adjust it up or down depending upon how much cleavage they want to show. Less at work.. More when out on a date, etc.
Well, here's an even better, hilarious version: (NSFW)
* * And here's your bad language warning * *
Search for the "Boob Apron".
Via
Well, here's an even better, hilarious version: (NSFW)
* * And here's your bad language warning * *
Search for the "Boob Apron".
Via
Happy Birthday, One For The Road!
Image Source
Well as you can guess, today is my blog's first birthday! I knew it was coming soon, and thought it may have passed. So, last night I go back and check the date on my first post, and viola - it was August 27, 2009! Had no idea that my blog shares a birthday with the landfall of Hurricane Katrina, which was August 27, 2005.
For the record year #1 contained a total of 1,341 posts.
That breaks down to:
• 111.8 per month
• 25.8 per week (best week: 46 - worst week: 7)
• 3.7 per day (best day might have been the day before yesterday: 12)
• 1 post for every 4.1 hours awake
As for hits, I'm pretty proud of my 1908-hit week back in week-20, thanks to the Heavy Metal Band Names Chart. Likewise that week and the few that followed became my best month: May - 3,283.
I want to personally thank all of my readers. I know it's tough to check out all the cool sites you wanna check out every day, and I know some of you do, and some don't have quite that much time. Nevertheless, thanks for making One For The Road all that it is today, one year later. All I can hope is to make it even better in year #2.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Touching?
This is so cool. Spaceghetto contributor typecast_wookie writes in a submission:
"And I didn't really mean to. He just decided to post up in the middle of our trail, and we had no way to get around him, so I found a big branch and tossed him. Unfortunately, I miscalculated his weight (he was about 4-5 feet long) and the mechanical advantage of my stick - so he sailed off into the night. We heard him land in some grass about 50 feet down the mountainside. I'm sure he was fine, but I still felt bad. I made this rap to deal with my own guilt and self-loathing over the incident."
Via - (NSFW)
"And I didn't really mean to. He just decided to post up in the middle of our trail, and we had no way to get around him, so I found a big branch and tossed him. Unfortunately, I miscalculated his weight (he was about 4-5 feet long) and the mechanical advantage of my stick - so he sailed off into the night. We heard him land in some grass about 50 feet down the mountainside. I'm sure he was fine, but I still felt bad. I made this rap to deal with my own guilt and self-loathing over the incident."
Via - (NSFW)
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Hey Jer, What's Up?
One of the greatest little segments of a good "The Summer Of George" Seinfeld episode. Jerry's new girlfriend Lanette (Amanda Peet, very early in her career) has this DUDE at the house every time he goes to pick her up. He's already asked her if he's the roommate, and whether he's gay - Both of which she denied. He even asks, "are you sure?"
The "I have absolutely no idea" is just hilarious!
Later he shows up to her place in only a towel.
That's Using Your Head
Blonde Jessica Kastrop was the ultimate professional as a stray kick struck her at more than 100mph during a pre-match warm up.
Footage of her unfortunate header has since become a YouTube sensation.The German's head was sent plunging forward with the massive impact but incredibly she bounced right back.
The ball had been kicked by former Chelsea star Khalid Boulahrouz who dispatched a long-range effort during practice ahead of a Bundesliga pre-season clash in Stuttgart.
It hit her with such force her knees buckled and she had to brace herself against a lectern to stop herself collapsing in a heap.
Jessica said afterwards: "I was fine - eventually. Boulahrouz ran over to me straight away and apologised."
Via
The funniest part of this..? The "THUD" that's clearly audible.
Go Outside And Get Some Exercise!
Via
I wonder if that thing is cordless/wireless? Now that's funny. Imagine all the exercise the guy(s) got carrying it to that precise spot..
7 People Who Messed With Texas
- A Holy Taco article -
Of all the places not to mess with, Texas, we’re told, is at the top of the list. But in reality, this near universal recognition of Texas as a state above our meddling is misplaced. Turns out the “Don’t Mess with Texas” slogan is nothing more than a marketing ploy cooked up for the Texas Department of Transportation to discourage rednecks from littering the roads with their empty beer cans (no, really).
So don’t let the bumper stickers, fridge magnets, and trashy tattoos fool you. Texas is just as worthy of a good razzing as Indiana, Oklahoma, and all the crappy states in our fair land. That’s not to say that Texas won’t mess with you in return, but you shouldn’t be unduly worried about the Lone Star State.
Still don’t believe me? Here are seven examples of people who have messed with Texas to varying degrees of success.
7. Bonnie and Clyde
Both Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow hailed from the Loan Star State. But this infamous crime couple didn’t seem to feel much kinship with their fellow Texans, especially members of Texas’ law enforcement. Most of their early robberies and murders took place in the state, as did the infamous Eastham prison break which Barrow orchestrated in 1934. Not long after the brazen raid in which many lawmen were killed, Texas grew tired of being messed with and formed a posse led by Texas Ranger Frank Hamer (Walker, Texas Ranger had not yet been born). Hamer and his crew tracked the pair to Louisiana, and turned them into human pencils.
6. Robin Ventura
With close to 6000 strikeouts and seven no-hitters, it’s easy to see why Nolan Ryan, a native Texan, is considered a hero to baseball fans in his home state. So in 1993, when Chicago White Sox third baseman Robin Ventura charged Ryan after being hit with a pitch, it was a safe assumption that he wasn’t making any friends with the local populous. Despite Ventura being twenty years his junior, the 46-year-old Ryan easily manhandled his attacker, pummeling him until other players pulled them apart.
Texas fans never forgave Ventura for the incident, and he was booed whenever he played in the state for the remainder of his career.
Continue to the rest of the list..
Via
Of all the places not to mess with, Texas, we’re told, is at the top of the list. But in reality, this near universal recognition of Texas as a state above our meddling is misplaced. Turns out the “Don’t Mess with Texas” slogan is nothing more than a marketing ploy cooked up for the Texas Department of Transportation to discourage rednecks from littering the roads with their empty beer cans (no, really).
So don’t let the bumper stickers, fridge magnets, and trashy tattoos fool you. Texas is just as worthy of a good razzing as Indiana, Oklahoma, and all the crappy states in our fair land. That’s not to say that Texas won’t mess with you in return, but you shouldn’t be unduly worried about the Lone Star State.
Still don’t believe me? Here are seven examples of people who have messed with Texas to varying degrees of success.
7. Bonnie and Clyde
Both Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow hailed from the Loan Star State. But this infamous crime couple didn’t seem to feel much kinship with their fellow Texans, especially members of Texas’ law enforcement. Most of their early robberies and murders took place in the state, as did the infamous Eastham prison break which Barrow orchestrated in 1934. Not long after the brazen raid in which many lawmen were killed, Texas grew tired of being messed with and formed a posse led by Texas Ranger Frank Hamer (Walker, Texas Ranger had not yet been born). Hamer and his crew tracked the pair to Louisiana, and turned them into human pencils.6. Robin Ventura
With close to 6000 strikeouts and seven no-hitters, it’s easy to see why Nolan Ryan, a native Texan, is considered a hero to baseball fans in his home state. So in 1993, when Chicago White Sox third baseman Robin Ventura charged Ryan after being hit with a pitch, it was a safe assumption that he wasn’t making any friends with the local populous. Despite Ventura being twenty years his junior, the 46-year-old Ryan easily manhandled his attacker, pummeling him until other players pulled them apart.Texas fans never forgave Ventura for the incident, and he was booed whenever he played in the state for the remainder of his career.
Continue to the rest of the list..
Via
25 Fascinating Historical Facts About Beer
Image Source
Whether you're a casual drinker just out of college or a serious connoisseur, you probably don't think about the incredible history that's behind the brew you're enjoying. But the fact is that there are many interesting tidbits from the history of beer, from stories of the brewers themselves to inventions and laws created just for beer.
Here, we'll take a look at 25 of the most fascinating historical facts about beer.
1 - Many brewers were women
Clay tablets from Mesopotamia indicate that the majority of brewing during that time was done by women, and that it was a fairly well-respected occupation.
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2 - Beer is on the oldest document known to man
An ancient clay tablet discussing the preparation of beer is the oldest document known to man.
Image Source
3 - The first consumer protection law was written for beer
In 1516, Duke Wilhelm IV of Bavaria enacted a purity law limiting beer ingredients to barley, hops, and water. Yeast was not mentioned.
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4 - The straw was invented for beer drinking
In 2,400 BC, Sumerians invented the straw so that they could drink beer without ingesting the solids left over from brewing.
Image Source
Continue to the other 21 fascinating beer facts..
Via
Jordan - Hands Down
Via
Why is this even up for debate? Especially once the infographic was even created, and it's painfully obvious that it's not even close?
But wait, Kobe might be able to play for many more seasons. It might take him 15 more...
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
An Alternate Ending
This obviously came out a few years ago, but I had never seen it. I LOVE the Terminator series, and this ending actually makes me think. I like it. Would've been really special had they (1) not come out with a T3, or (2) waited and made a T3 based on this ending. It's too bad! I haven't seen Terminator Salvation yet, but T3 sucked. I can't imagine McG and Salvation can bring back the Cameron mystique and perfection associated with this series as it stood in 1991.
Here are a bunch more alternate movie endings.
Via / Via
It's About Time This Happened
Via
Nothing racist here at all. It's a gender thing. If women or (even worse) teenage girls did this kind of thing, and I'm sure some do, it would be a serious no-no right off the bat!
If they don't stay up, either you don't know how to shop properly (the pants are too damn big), or you don't know how to shop properly (buy a belt!!).
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Review: Alice In Chains - Dirt
Happy Birthday, Layne Staley!
Image Source
OK here is my long-awaited Alice In Chains - Dirt review. Sorry for the delay! Godsmack "Oracle" is next! I don't go broke... I do this a lot...
1 - Them Bones
Alice In Chains - Them Bones by sexualdevient
Them Bones gets a few extra tenths of a point for Sean Kinney's imaginative drum part alone. I've always really liked this song, as have the radio stations, but for many different reasons. It gets a ton of airtime because it's short & sweet. I like it because it's a well-written rock song, and I have always wondered why this song couldn't be a little longer. 8.3
2 - Dam That River
I suspect that Dam That River could have been one of the first songs these guys wrote together. They left it off Facelift, and decided to include it with Dirt. Maybe? Nevertheless, there's nothing wrong with it - There are tons of songs that bands wait on. It's gonna sound like I'm overly critical of this tune, but I can't decide what it is about it that keeps me from giving it a better number.
Could be that this song really requires two guitarists, so to get the full effect, one must really listen to the original. In the newer live versions with William DuVall, Jerry does a great job, but frankly the song needs Layne's rhythm guitar part at the beginning and elsewhere. 7.4
3 - Rain When I Die
A superbly written song is justified by a miniscule number of ways, but one of those ways is that it's a great show-opener. Also an incredible example of just how good of a choice they made with DuVall. Written well.. played well.. complexity..
Yummy! One of my all-time favorite AiC songs here..
This song is like hello world - come along and listen to what we have to bring! ahhhhMmmmmmm ahhhhMmmmmmm ahhhhMmmmmmm ahhhhMmmmmmm 9.3
4 - Down In a Hole
Alice in Chains - Down In A Hole by OmbreEclectique
Along with Rooster, Down in a Hole nailed a ton of radio airtime. It's almost a staple of the band's sound. It might be one of the most recognizable songs. Certains songs will stay their course for more reasons than is really musically explainable. A lot like Stone Temple Pilots' "Plush", it's really one of the best ever, both of which unfortunately also got played kinda into the ground as well.
It has a really nice flow to it, and showcases a lot of different things. Everything really stands out here individually, even if the song as a whole doesn't particularly do it for you. Very tightly written, and pulled together in most live versions. 8.8
5 - Sickman
Sickman is just sick! Awesome everything. An incredible song live, and is another great choice for an opener or encore song. Also a perfect example of Layne's influence, Jerry's imagination, their talent writing collaboration...
Especially 2:37-4:00 (certain parts of certain songs are definitely allowed to be separately judged, and this segment is special! Note: At 3:50-something, you're like, "awesome, here we go again!") 9.1
6 - Rooster
Alice In Chains - Rooster by rocknrollfan
Rooster might have more radio airtime than any other AiC song. I'm not really sure why, except that it has the type of chorus - with its unique arrangement of backing vocals - that mainstream rock radio stations like. (Down in a Hole is another one succumbing to the same unfortunate fate in my eyes.) It doesn't pressure many boundaries, it's starts slow, and is actually very well written. It also rocks in a few instances that would intrigue Beavis and Butthead. 8.2
7 - Junkhead
Junkhead is the best track on the album. It might be about a 9.0 or 9.1 if it weren't for the absolutely amazing solo. During this solo you realize why Jerry Cantrell has one of the most imaginary guitar minds there has ever been. But it's the structure of the song, and all it's intricacies that makes this one top-notch amazing.
Undoubtedly the one of the best moments of most of each of their live shows is Junkhead.
I chose this 1991 video for one thing: This is this band in its prime - doing its thing at 100%.. Here's another great video of a 2006 performance of this masterpiece. 15 years apart, and both excellent.
(3:11-4:10) - This is a top-10 all-time great example of best segments of the best songs. The solo experience makes the song.
That is a 4-measure 4-bar song portion that can stand on its own for any time period, present or past. It's a sweet little melody! It stays with you, and will stay with you enough that if it was playing ever so subtly in the background, you would not only still be enjoying it, you'd still be following along. And only live would these facts be most easily understood!!
"What's my drug of choice?
Well, what have you got?
I don't go broke
And I do it alot..."
Analyzing any of Layne's words in this song is totally unnecessary. But the way he transfers his feelings at that time in his life (and their lives) directly into the lyrics of this song is primo eloquence! This is why the loss of Layne Staley (when compared to the loss of Kurt Cobain, Nirvana) is so much more profound, and unexpected, (..important?) to the genre that is now what we older guys still don't refer to as "Classic Rock". Some sounds are legendary, and AiC has one of those sounds. Always has - always will.
I also still can't think of any Alice in Chains song that's better. Yeah! -You got that right. 9.6
8 - Dirt
Dirt - part two of these guys doing what they love in their prime. Together with Junkhead, the pair is a prime example of music brought to listeners "before the fact". They routinely played the two together live ..and well before the release of this album. 8.7
9 - God Smack
God Smack has a mean little crazy riff as its origin. A lot of people think this song was the reason behind Godsmack naming themselves as they did. The more I've listened to the song over the years, I doubt the song itself had much to do with it. No doubt Godsmack wasn't the only set of musicians who at the time was keen to the term "god-smacked". Obviously Alice in Chains were too. Might be the worst track on the album. Here is a live version from '92 when Layne was in a wheelchair. I wonder if they dubbed in rhythm guitar for this show? Hmmm.. 6.5
10 - Untitled (Iron Gland)
OK I lied. This is the worst on the track. But then again, it's an intro, and a crazy little "Iron Man" parody. Still, how do you intentionally leave a tune untitled? Well, I guess if it's a 44-second intro to another song, you can get away with it... Especially if you put a title in parentheses (Iron Gland). 6.0
11 - Hate To Feel
It's a shame too about the intro, because I kinda like Hate To Feel. As is the case with most Alice in Chains songs, Staley and Cantrell are gonna give you a lesson in harmonies and vocal arrangement. This track is no exception. Simply incredible vocals, and matching guitar work from both guys.. This one doesn't get enough credit. It was tough to find a great version to show you, too. This might be the best live version I could find, but if you're looking for better sound quality, and don't care to see a live version, here's the original with a video slideshow tribute. 8.6
12 - Angry Chair
Angry Chair is one of my personal favorites from back when. This song would begin, and it kinda blew you away, and then it changed, and then it was over. Still one of the best really short songs ever. Something about the rhythm guitar and bass behind the solo is really nice. And OMG the echo in the beginning that you may or may not be able to pick up on the live version, but is readily audible in the original! 8.8
13 - Would?
Alice In Chains - Would by LyalyaSatiemania
Did I say something about short songs? "Would?" is even shorter, and for this reason, the radio stations also loved this one. And why did they choose to close the album this way? Only they know, I presume. Here's one of the better captured videos of a live AiC performance with Staley that I could find - for any song. 8.5
Image Source
OK here is my long-awaited Alice In Chains - Dirt review. Sorry for the delay! Godsmack "Oracle" is next! I don't go broke... I do this a lot...
1 - Them Bones
Alice In Chains - Them Bones by sexualdevient
Them Bones gets a few extra tenths of a point for Sean Kinney's imaginative drum part alone. I've always really liked this song, as have the radio stations, but for many different reasons. It gets a ton of airtime because it's short & sweet. I like it because it's a well-written rock song, and I have always wondered why this song couldn't be a little longer. 8.3
2 - Dam That River
I suspect that Dam That River could have been one of the first songs these guys wrote together. They left it off Facelift, and decided to include it with Dirt. Maybe? Nevertheless, there's nothing wrong with it - There are tons of songs that bands wait on. It's gonna sound like I'm overly critical of this tune, but I can't decide what it is about it that keeps me from giving it a better number.
Could be that this song really requires two guitarists, so to get the full effect, one must really listen to the original. In the newer live versions with William DuVall, Jerry does a great job, but frankly the song needs Layne's rhythm guitar part at the beginning and elsewhere. 7.4
3 - Rain When I Die
A superbly written song is justified by a miniscule number of ways, but one of those ways is that it's a great show-opener. Also an incredible example of just how good of a choice they made with DuVall. Written well.. played well.. complexity..
Yummy! One of my all-time favorite AiC songs here..
This song is like hello world - come along and listen to what we have to bring! ahhhhMmmmmmm ahhhhMmmmmmm ahhhhMmmmmmm ahhhhMmmmmmm 9.3
4 - Down In a Hole
Alice in Chains - Down In A Hole by OmbreEclectique
Along with Rooster, Down in a Hole nailed a ton of radio airtime. It's almost a staple of the band's sound. It might be one of the most recognizable songs. Certains songs will stay their course for more reasons than is really musically explainable. A lot like Stone Temple Pilots' "Plush", it's really one of the best ever, both of which unfortunately also got played kinda into the ground as well.
It has a really nice flow to it, and showcases a lot of different things. Everything really stands out here individually, even if the song as a whole doesn't particularly do it for you. Very tightly written, and pulled together in most live versions. 8.8
5 - Sickman
Sickman is just sick! Awesome everything. An incredible song live, and is another great choice for an opener or encore song. Also a perfect example of Layne's influence, Jerry's imagination, their talent writing collaboration...
Especially 2:37-4:00 (certain parts of certain songs are definitely allowed to be separately judged, and this segment is special! Note: At 3:50-something, you're like, "awesome, here we go again!") 9.1
6 - Rooster
Alice In Chains - Rooster by rocknrollfan
Rooster might have more radio airtime than any other AiC song. I'm not really sure why, except that it has the type of chorus - with its unique arrangement of backing vocals - that mainstream rock radio stations like. (Down in a Hole is another one succumbing to the same unfortunate fate in my eyes.) It doesn't pressure many boundaries, it's starts slow, and is actually very well written. It also rocks in a few instances that would intrigue Beavis and Butthead. 8.2
7 - Junkhead
Junkhead is the best track on the album. It might be about a 9.0 or 9.1 if it weren't for the absolutely amazing solo. During this solo you realize why Jerry Cantrell has one of the most imaginary guitar minds there has ever been. But it's the structure of the song, and all it's intricacies that makes this one top-notch amazing.
Undoubtedly the one of the best moments of most of each of their live shows is Junkhead.
I chose this 1991 video for one thing: This is this band in its prime - doing its thing at 100%.. Here's another great video of a 2006 performance of this masterpiece. 15 years apart, and both excellent.
(3:11-4:10) - This is a top-10 all-time great example of best segments of the best songs. The solo experience makes the song.
That is a 4-measure 4-bar song portion that can stand on its own for any time period, present or past. It's a sweet little melody! It stays with you, and will stay with you enough that if it was playing ever so subtly in the background, you would not only still be enjoying it, you'd still be following along. And only live would these facts be most easily understood!!
"What's my drug of choice?
Well, what have you got?
I don't go broke
And I do it alot..."
Analyzing any of Layne's words in this song is totally unnecessary. But the way he transfers his feelings at that time in his life (and their lives) directly into the lyrics of this song is primo eloquence! This is why the loss of Layne Staley (when compared to the loss of Kurt Cobain, Nirvana) is so much more profound, and unexpected, (..important?) to the genre that is now what we older guys still don't refer to as "Classic Rock". Some sounds are legendary, and AiC has one of those sounds. Always has - always will.
I also still can't think of any Alice in Chains song that's better. Yeah! -You got that right. 9.6
8 - Dirt
Dirt - part two of these guys doing what they love in their prime. Together with Junkhead, the pair is a prime example of music brought to listeners "before the fact". They routinely played the two together live ..and well before the release of this album. 8.7
9 - God Smack
God Smack has a mean little crazy riff as its origin. A lot of people think this song was the reason behind Godsmack naming themselves as they did. The more I've listened to the song over the years, I doubt the song itself had much to do with it. No doubt Godsmack wasn't the only set of musicians who at the time was keen to the term "god-smacked". Obviously Alice in Chains were too. Might be the worst track on the album. Here is a live version from '92 when Layne was in a wheelchair. I wonder if they dubbed in rhythm guitar for this show? Hmmm.. 6.5
10 - Untitled (Iron Gland)
OK I lied. This is the worst on the track. But then again, it's an intro, and a crazy little "Iron Man" parody. Still, how do you intentionally leave a tune untitled? Well, I guess if it's a 44-second intro to another song, you can get away with it... Especially if you put a title in parentheses (Iron Gland). 6.0
11 - Hate To Feel
It's a shame too about the intro, because I kinda like Hate To Feel. As is the case with most Alice in Chains songs, Staley and Cantrell are gonna give you a lesson in harmonies and vocal arrangement. This track is no exception. Simply incredible vocals, and matching guitar work from both guys.. This one doesn't get enough credit. It was tough to find a great version to show you, too. This might be the best live version I could find, but if you're looking for better sound quality, and don't care to see a live version, here's the original with a video slideshow tribute. 8.6
12 - Angry Chair
Angry Chair is one of my personal favorites from back when. This song would begin, and it kinda blew you away, and then it changed, and then it was over. Still one of the best really short songs ever. Something about the rhythm guitar and bass behind the solo is really nice. And OMG the echo in the beginning that you may or may not be able to pick up on the live version, but is readily audible in the original! 8.8
13 - Would?
Alice In Chains - Would by LyalyaSatiemania
Did I say something about short songs? "Would?" is even shorter, and for this reason, the radio stations also loved this one. And why did they choose to close the album this way? Only they know, I presume. Here's one of the better captured videos of a live AiC performance with Staley that I could find - for any song. 8.5
All 37 Twinkie Ingredients
This is pretty crazy.. If you've ever wanted to know about all the ingredients of something as seemingly simple as a Twinkie, you're in luck!
All you have to do is click the image above. It'll take you to Dwight Eschliman's website, where you can click on an image of each of the 37 Twinkie ingredients. It'll kinda blow your mind!
Via
To learn more about the Twinkie ingredients, check out Steve Ettinger's "Twinkie, Deconstructed" at twinkiedeconstructed.com, as recommended by Mr. Eschliman.